What Does Han Solo Have To Do with Attachment Styles and Stronger Relationships?
When the new Star Wars trilogy began in 2015 with The Force Awakens, I was so excited to see how all my favorite characters had aged and developed from the original movies. What was Luke up to, and how many new Jedi would there be? What happened between Leia and Han Solo? There was so much romantic energy between the two of them at the end of Return of the Jedi that it seemed a sure bet they would be happily married and settled down. Then we get into The Force Awakens, and we all have to ask: “What’s the deal with Han? Why did he leave Leia? Surely, they could have had a happy, blaster-fire free life together.” But when we look at Han’s relationship patterns from each movie and consider his relationship attachment style, maybe it’s not so surprising.
You may be asking, what are relationship attachment styles? And what do they have to do with Han Solo? Attachment is the emotional bond that connects two people in a relationship. The quality of this attachment is influenced by many different factors, including past life events, traumatic experiences, and more. But the biggest factor is your early childhood experience of being cared for by your parents and whether you felt secure that your needs would be met. Research shows that your attachment style significantly impacts your romantic relationship satisfaction.
For those who are unfamiliar with attachment styles, here’s a quick review. The three primary attachment styles are: secure, anxious, and avoidant.
Secure Attachment Style
Secure attachment is the healthiest for relationships. People who have a secure attachment to their partner are much more likely to find safety, satisfaction, and stability in their relationship. These individuals are comfortable with intimacy and independence, easily forming close bonds with others and feeling secure in their partner's love and commitment. This attachment style often leads to long-lasting, fulfilling relationships where both partners feel valued and understood.
Avoidant Attachment Style
Avoidant attachment, on the other hand, can create significant challenges in relationships. People with avoidant attachment have difficulty opening up to and relying on their romantic partner. When they start to get too close, they begin to push away. In extreme cases of avoidance, they end up solo (see what I did there?) because they can’t bring themselves to fully trust in their partner. Avoidant individuals often prioritize independence over intimacy and may struggle to express their emotions, leading to misunderstandings and distance in their relationships. (Yes, this seems to describe Han Solo pretty well, don’t you think?)
Anxious Attachment Style
Anxious attachment is pretty much the opposite of avoidant attachment. People with anxious attachment are preoccupied with their relationship and often worry that their partner is not as invested as they are. This leads them to seek constant reassurance and engage in clingy behaviors to avoid being left alone. Anxious individuals often feel insecure and need frequent validation from their partners, which can create tension and stress in the relationship.
The Impact of Attachment Styles on Relationships
Research suggests that even just knowing your attachment style can significantly impact the quality of your relationship. It can help you recognize patterns in your behavior and how they affect your partner. Knowing your attachment style can also guide you in developing healthier relationship habits and improving communication with your partner.
For example, if you have a secure attachment style, you’re likely to have a stable and fulfilling relationship. You’re comfortable with intimacy and independence, which allows you to form strong bonds with your partner. However, if you have an avoidant or anxious attachment style, you may face more challenges in your relationships. Avoidant individuals may struggle with intimacy and trust, while anxious individuals may have difficulty with insecurity and clinginess.
Not sure what your attachment style is? Click on this online quiz to get a better idea.
Overcoming Insecure Attachment Styles
So, what can you ( or Han Solo) do to overcome the negative effects of anxious or avoidant attachments in your relationship? Here’s one uncomplicated, research-based suggestion: try gratitude. Studies suggest there is power in expressing gratitude to your romantic partner to help lessen the effects of insecure attachment. It may sound cliché, but gratitude works. When one partner expresses gratitude to the other, it creates a greater feeling of security and validation. (And don’t we all need a little more validation?) If you find that you or your partner have an insecure attachment, try expressing true, sincere gratitude. (Come to think of it, do this regardless of your attachment style!)
Conclusion
Understanding your attachment style won’t solve all problems. But it’s a valuable tool for improving your relationships. Whether you have a secure, avoidant, or anxious attachment style, knowing your tendencies can help you navigate your relationships more effectively. Remember, it’s never too late to work on your attachment style and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Don’t leave your partner Solo; do what you can to fortify your relationship. With the right knowledge and tools, you can build a strong, loving, and lasting connection with your partner.
For more information on understanding attachment styles or other ways to improve your relationships, visit the Utah Marriage Commission website.
Related Blog: The Holiday and Attachment Styles
Lester Clay was the primary author of this blog.