April 29, 2022
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7 Ways to Create More Love After Marriage: Reigniting Romance in a Stale Relationship

Andrew McFarlane

After you've been married for a few years and life starts going, it's easy for our relationship to run stale. We get caught up in the day-to-day motions of work, taking care of the kids, and all of the other things that demand our attention. Before we know it, we're not focusing on our partner as much as we should be and the love starts to fade.

If this situation sounds familiar to you, this post will help give you ideas for how to create more love after marriage.

Try one of the 7 ways to create more love after marriage below to improve your relationship!

Plan regular date nights

It's so important to carve out time for just the two of you. Whether it's a dinner date or a night out on the town, make sure to schedule regular date nights and stick to them!

This may be one of the most important and simple tips to improve love after marriage, but it's often the one that gets put on the backburner... It can especially be tough if you don't have family or friends around to help with babysitting. However, if you put in the effort to schedule at least one date night a month and budget for someone to watch the kids it will open many potential doors for you and your spouse.

If there is one piece of advice that all married couples could use, it's to always keep dating your spouse after marriage.

Do something new together

Trying something new together can help spice things up and bring some excitement back into your relationship and increase love after marriage. It doesn't have to be anything major, but maybe sign up for a dance class or cooking lesson together. Sign up for something or plan an activity that gets you and your spouse out of your comfort zone!

new adventure

It's during these moments that you'll be able to see your spouse in a new light and you might learn something new about them. Who knows, you may end up realizing your husband or wife has a hidden talent!

If you can't think of anything new that you want to try, you can always do a quick search for date night ideas. Keep in mind, they don't have to be romantic all of the time. Something as simple as going for a hike on a trail you've never explored could be the thing you need to improve love after marriage.

Make time for physical affection

Even if you're not in the mood for intimacy, make time for physical affection with your partner. Hold hands, snuggle on the couch, give them a full body or shoulder massage, or just take some time to show them how much you love and appreciate them.

Physical intimacy and affection may have come easy to you at the beginning of your relationship, but may have started to fall off over the years and you may lose a bit of hope. If this is the case, start off small and work your way up. Small gestures show that you're still attracted to your partner and love them just as much as you did when you first got married.

improve intimacy

If it helps, put a reminder on a sticky note or device to display one act of physical affection a day. It could even be something as simple as a hug when you get home from work, a kiss when you come inside after playing with the kids, or hand holding for a moment at the dinner table.

Communicate openly and honestly

One of the biggest problems in relationships is communication or lack thereof. If you're not communicating with your partner about what you're feeling, needs, or wants, it's impossible to have a strong relationship. Make sure to set aside time each day to talk to your partner about anything and everything!

Seek marriage and family therapy as needed

If you don't feel like you're able to open up to your spouse, seeking professional help from a marriage and family therapist. Don't be afraid or ashamed to seek help from a third party if you're struggling in your marriage- it can be an extremely beneficial way to improve communication and reignite love after marriage.

Through your sessions with a marriage and family therapist you may begin to find new ways of connection with your husband or wife on a level you've never had before. Open communication can help reduce anger, frustration, and even boredom in a marriage relationship. Marriages that have a strong foundation of communication will also be able to improve intimacy, reduce other relational problems, and build their emotional intelligence.

Benefits of open communication

The benefits of good communication in marriages will improve the lives of not only you and your husband or wife, but also the lives of your kids as well. You'll be able to set the example for what healthy communication looks like as well as be able to to have intimate conversations about how to best raise your kids.

open communication

The journey to get to a point of open communication and connection can be difficult... but have hope and keep working towards it as it can give you a greater sense of happiness and freedom.

Take the RELATE Assessment to start communicating

If you'd like to have an easy tool to help start a conversation abour your marriage with your spouse you can both take the RELATE Assessment. This assessment (free for Utah residents and $40 for non Utah residents) will help point out the strengths and weaknesses in your marriage so that you can quickly pinpoint where to start working to improve your relationship and love after marriage.

Be present

In today's world, it's so easy to get caught up in our phones, social media, work, etc. But when we're constantly looking at our screens and not paying attention to our partners, it creates a disconnect and a potential to lose love after marriage. Be present with your partner and give them your undivided attention, even if it's just for a few minutes each day.

One way to ensure time to be present is to set some specific boundaries that will create an environment where you'll need to be physically, mentally, and emotionally present.

being present

Here are a few ideas for boundaries to improve your ability to be present:

  • Don't allow phones, tablets, TVs, or gaming systems in the bedroom
  • Set time limits on apps (iPhone/Android)
  • No screens during meals
  • Have a daily/weekly check-in with your partner to discuss how you're feeling
  • Set up a notification schedule so that you don't get pinged during certain hours
  • Do a review of your notifications and eliminate all unimportant/relevant apps from notifying you about anything

By setting these boundaries you will have created an environment where you will be forced to engage on a mental and emotional level with your spouse. It's during these moments that you can have some of the most meaningful conversations that could change the trajectory of your marriage and family altogether!

Who knows! This may even evolve into more physical intimacy as well. It's a win win and a sure fire way to improve love after marriage.

Show appreciation (surprises!)

Take the time to show your partner how much you appreciate them. Whether it's telling them how much you love them, doing something special for them, or just saying thank you, make sure they know that you're grateful for them!

When you find little ways to show your appreciation, you may find that your spouse will start to do the same for you! Small surprises or simple words of affirmation go a long way to improving love after marriage.

Here are a few ideas to show appreciation for your spouse:

  • Bring them breakfast in bed
  • Write a love note and hide it in their pocket
  • Give them a back massage
  • Do something that they've been wanting to do but haven't had the time for (DIY project, run an errand, etc.)
  • Plan a special date night outside of your regular schedule
  • Buy flowers for no special occasion other than to say "I love you"

Small actions or surprises that show your appreciation will greatly improve your life and marriage. These little moments of connection are great ways to improve all aspects of intimacy in your life so that you and your spouse will be able to handle even the toughest parts of the journey.

Have fun together - Stay positive

One of the best ways to create more love after marriage is to simply have fun together! Do things that make you both laugh and enjoy each other's company. Go to a comedy show, look through old photos and reminice on how "cool" you looked in high school, and find the good in your partner. The journey of marriage (and potentially parenthood) can bring a lot of stress. However, if you are able to assume the best of each other and find ways to laugh in your marriage, you'll be filled with hope and be able to use that connection to make it through the hard times.

have fun in your marriage


Maintaining love after marriage takes work. Emotional, physical, and mental intamacy take work. Communication and connection take work. However, if you put in your time and energy into improving yourself in these areas you will be filled with joy, hope, and peace. The confidence and connection with your spouse is priceless as they will be there for you through thick and thin.

Follow the tips above and bookmark this page so that you can refer back to make sure you know how to improve love after marriage in your life.

Andrew McFarlane

andrew mcfarlane bio

Andrew McFarlane is a full-time dad and a parenting blogger. He shares advice for new parents, experienced parents, and any parent in-between at PapaPerspective.com. He does this through positive parenting methods, the best parenting gear, and lots of laughter. When he's not blogging about the best parenting practices, he'll be out taking photos, playing hockey, or spending time with his wife and 2 boys.