5 Ways to Help Your Partner Feel Important 

Does your partner feel important? Do you help them feel important? Self-esteem can have a major effect on romantic relationships. Self-esteem can impact a person’s ability to feel important and that they can contribute in meaningful ways. We want to boost our partner's self-esteem and make sure they feel important. If self-esteem is something your partner struggles with, try these 5 strategies: 

1. Show Appreciation 

The first step to showing your partner that they are important to you is to simply do that: tell them how much you appreciate the things that they do for you. Making dinner, taking out the trash, doing the dishes, working hard to provide for the family. Even if that is something they typically do, make sure they know just how grateful you are for them and what they do for you, your family, and your home. Scholars have found that generous expressions of appreciation to your partner are strongly related to higher marital quality. Here’s an idea: leave them little notes expressing your gratitude and appreciation for them and how they have blessed your life that day or week. 

 

2. Praise and Compliment 

Even with showing appreciation, it is important to take that a step further and compliment your spouse. Research shows that complimenting others makes the person feel better than the “complimenter” would ever think. If your spouse looks nice, tell them. If they made you laugh, compliment them on their humor. Praise them for the things they do that strengthens your family. For extra bonus points, praise them in front of others. 

3. Spend Quality Time Together 

Spending time together will show your partner that you care about them and see them as an important part – if not the most important part – of your life. Be affectionate. Cuddle, kiss, give them a back rub. Flirt with them. Do the things that make them feel seen. Look your partner in the eyes when talking. And . . . and this is a BIG one . . . put your phone down and engage with your partner. Research shows that ignoring your partner with your phone leads to negative relationship outcomes, especially for those with low self-esteem. 

4. Affirm the Positive 

Help your spouse by creating a routine of positive affirmations. Start each morning or end each day by sharing something you love about each other. (And go ahead and boost your own esteem by saying something that you like about yourself.) This is an opportunity to grow your relationship and personal self-esteem.  

5. Avoid Comparisons 

As Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Comparison can be the thief of self-esteem in your life and satisfaction in your relationship. With social media (and other kinds of media) a constant intruder in our lives, there is unlimited temptation for comparison to others. When we compare ourselves to others, we can insert unnecessary goals or needs into our lives. And especially don’t compare your partner to your ex or to others (e.g., parents, siblings, friends). Your relationship is uniquely yours; it’s not a competition. 

You have super-powers to boost your spouse’s self-esteem, to make them feel important. Give these 5 strategies a try and watch for a more confident partner . . . and a happier marriage.  

Makena Seal was the primary author of this blog.