Why It's Okay to Feel Like You're "Bad" at Meditating

Jared Hawkins, Extension Assistant Professor

 

“What if I’m just bad at meditating?” I hear this question a lot from therapy clients, and I think we can all relate. In our modern world with busy schedules and constant stimulation, it is normal to experience difficulties with being still and meditating. Although we know that mindfulness can offer significant health benefits, we may not have experienced those benefits when we have tried to meditate. What are we missing? For all of us who feel we are “just bad at meditating,” here are a few things to remember.

1. It is ok to experience difficulties with meditating. A study of graduate students found that accepting the difficulties of learning mindfulness actually helped them be mindful (Hawkins et al., 2020). This is because mindfulness is paying attention to the present moment without judgement (Kabat-Zinn, 1990). Thus, the nonjudgemental response to a challenge would be, “It’s ok that I am having this challenge.” As you meditate, if you notice a feeling of frustration or a thought about “being bad at this,” simply notice the thought or feeling without judgement.
2. You do not need to “shut off your brain.” Most people who try to meditate say things like, “I can’t get my mind to stop racing. It just goes and goes.” As it should. It is impossible to stop thinking. Rather, the idea of mindfulness is that you are paying attention to your thoughts, not trying to shut them down. As you meditate, any time you notice your thoughts wandering, simply acknowledge the occurrence, and return your focus to the present moment.
3. Meditating may not feel peaceful. Most people have the idea that while meditating, you are supposed to feel calm and “zen.” While consistent mindfulness practice will often result in these outcomes, you may not feel this in the moment. This is because mindfulness is paying attention to the present moment, which can present us with uncomfortable experiences. When you pay attention to the present, you may notice an annoying itch, an achy back, a distressing thought, or an intense emotion. These experiences can feel anything but peaceful. However, mindfulness practice helps you learn that bodily sensations, thoughts, and emotions are temporary, and the only way to find peace is to let them come and go.
4. Getting “good at meditating” takes time. Like building any muscle, you may not see immediate results. However, over time, regularly practicing mindfulness will train your brain so you can more easily focus in an intentional way.

If you find it difficult to meditate, that is completely normal, especially with our busy and overly stimulating modern lifestyles. As you choose to mindfully respond to the challenges of meditating, over time you can experience the significant benefits that mindfulness can offer. For more information about how to respond to specific issues with meditation, see: https://www.headspace.com/meditation-101/trouble-meditating.

References

Hawkins, J. M., McPhee, D. P., D’Aniello, C., Holyoak, D., Lauricella, D., Hall, G., ... & Posadas, L. (2020). Learning and Applying Mindfulness to Relational Client Systems: A Phenomenological Analysis of CMFT Students’ Experiences in a Mindfulness Course. Contemporary Family Therapy, 42, 381-393.

Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full catastrophe living: Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain, and illness. New York: Delacorte.