What if I Want to be Alone for the Holidays?

The holidays are seen as a time to get together with family and friends, share in traditions, and indulge in favorite foods. Some look forward to the holidays, but others might not. Whether it’s due to a move, personal loss, potential family drama, or just wanting to do something different, more people are opting for a solo holiday.

If you want to spend the holidays alone, experts offer a few tips to help you do it “right” while also helping yourself and others in your life not feel left out. 

• Reframe expectations from what you think the holidays should look like to what you want them to look like (Montijo, 2021). You can try to emulate the look and feel seen in holiday movies or to meet family expectations, but that can feel overwhelming. Consider asking yourself, “What do the holidays mean to me?” and “What do I want them to look like?”
• Use the time to reflect and recharge (Fielding, 2020; Montijo, 2021). Some ways to do this include starting a gratitude journal; working on a project you’ve been putting off; treating yourself to a gift, meal, or self-care; making new traditions; and recreating old traditions.
• If you want to spend the holidays by yourself but still seek connection, consider volunteering, setting up a virtual gathering, or going to an event. Also think about who is around you versus who is not, and be present with them.
• If you usually spend the holidays with loved ones, but decide not to this year, tell them your plans early! Don’t want until the last minute. No doubt it will be a difficult discussion, so give them (and you) time to process the news and come up with other plans (Gordon, 2021). Share your reasons for wanting to be alone and reassure them it’s not permanent. Offer to balance activities together with solo activities if it’s possible. For example, visit with them a few days before or after the holiday, go out for lunch or dinner, or help with an errand. 

Experts also suggest assessing your feelings to determine if you’re actively trying to withdraw from others (Berg, 2023). If this is the case, consider speaking with a mental health professional to help address those concerns. Persistent feelings of loneliness can lead to anxiety, depression, poor sleep, and other health challenges (National Institutes of Health, 2019). 

While the holidays are seen as a time to spend with family and friends, some might choose to spend it alone, a decision that can be hard for everyone involved! Honesty, openness, and respect for these decisions can help keep the holidays special.