Abby's Journal: Redefining Self-Worth Beyond Your Relationship Status
In the world we live in, it is so easy to compare. We are constantly bombarded by social media and music and movies with this image of what a ‘perfect’ life and relationship should look like. The guy gets the girl, and everyone makes falling in love look too easy. It’s a trap that’s easy to fall into, believing that our worth as humans is contingent upon being with someone else. Sounds silly, huh? It would be easy for me to come on here and say, “But guess what? It doesn’t matter! Being single is awesome!” and end the blog and let you go on your way. But the truth is, believing that for yourself might not come as easily when it seems like everyone around you has something that you want but can’t have. I can’t fool anyone and say that the mindset shift is easy and learning to be content when things don’t go your way is like the flip of a switch.
It’s not.
The truth of it all can feel overshadowed by society teaching that there is one correct way to live and “find a relationship” is in bold on the checklist
Is being in a relationship the value of your worth?
Especially here in Utah, it seems like being in a relationship is the ultimate validation of one’s worth. The pressure is on to find a partner, if you haven’t already. And once you have a partner, it doesn’t stop there! Couples are often rushed into marriage before they are ready and never truly get a chance to experience individuality aside from a partner. Learning self-love independent from a partner isn’t encouraged as much as I believe it should be, and some people come to realize after many years of putting all of their worth in another individual, that they felt stripped of any sense of true self-worth that went beyond their relationship. So to save you the heartache that some people experience, I’ll remind you that your value as a person is worlds deeper than your relationship status.
You are complete and whole on your own. Your worth is inherent. It cannot be taken from you, it cannot be given to you, it cannot be added to or subtracted from. External factors, like money and looks and relationships, cannot influence your worth. Your worth is simply yours because you exist and there is only one of you on this earth. Because you are one of a kind, you add to the richness of this world.
Often subconsciously, the act of basing your worth on your relationship status can become a rabbit hole that leads to unhealthy dependencies on outside factors and a lack of genuine fulfillment in life. Putting your worth in another imperfect individual is a sure way to set yourself up for disappointment and begin the erosion of your sense of identity. Real fulfillment is an inside job that comes from the ongoing process of learning how to love and understand yourself without the influence of other people.
Learning to Lean On Yourself and Self-Discovery
Lean into the growth and self-discovery of your life, regardless of if you have a partner. Head into the excitement of new experiences, of change, of finding yourself and doing what makes YOU feel happy, fulfilled, and complete; because being single does not mean you are incomplete or lacking. Embrace your individuality, and work to build meaningful connections in your friendships and family relationships.
While being in a healthy relationship can enhance your life and bring you happiness, seeing it as the sole source of your self-worth or letting it define your happiness can have a backfire effect. Maintaining a sense of self-esteem and independence is crucial for everyone, in relationships or not.
Remember this: you are enough just as you are. Whether you are single, in a relationship, or somewhere in-between, your worth remains constant. Because of this, allow yourself the freedom of embracing your independence and surrounding yourself with people who love you and appreciate you regardless of pressure you might feel from the world. Tune into your intuition. Loving yourself is a muscle you work by only allowing positives into your life. Allow these positives to build you up, because ultimately, learning to love yourself is what will strengthen your ability to see that your worth is deep and your value is unchangeable.
Let kindness and passion lead your life. Pursue people and things that light you up inside. Embrace the love you have for yourself and the love you have for others. Celebrate your uniqueness and the journey of life that you’re on! Growth and learning are ongoing and your worth is evergreen. Cherish everything that this world and living in it has to offer, but remember that true happiness comes from within. It’s in the way you love others, the way you lean into new experiences, and most importantly how you show up for yourself and continue to put your heart first every day. As you do this and continue to navigate the peaks and valleys of your life, you can live with the confidence that you are enough, just as you are.