By Olivia W. | February 8, 2024

Navigating Attachment Styles Within Your Relationships 

woman feeding man some food by a window as they both laugh

Making sense of the way one interacts with another and knowing why is fundamental when it comes to healthy relationships. If you haven’t already, go check out “Understanding the Four Styles of Attachment” to better understand each attachment style and what style you identify with most. Moving forward, let’s dive into navigating attachment styles when it comes to you and your romantic relationship. It is important to learn and understand how two people can work together and what makes each individual unique. Most likely, you and your partner will have different attachment styles that will add special aspects to the relationship. Check out below how each style works within a relationship and pay attention to not only how yours may function but your significant other as well.   

Secure

Most often, secure individuals are empathetic listeners, responsive partners, and good at resolving conflict constructively when in a romantic relationship. They understand the importance of boundaries and independence. If you are someone who allows for your partner to thrive independently while nurturing the bond you share together, you are most likely someone who resonates with a secure attachment style. Research shows that secure attachment serves as a protective factor against stress. This improves overall well-being, highlighting the significance of a fulfilled relationship.  

Maybe you are someone who is not securely attached but would like to make efforts on becoming more secure within the relationship. Talk with your significant other to begin on the same page and try out a few of the following things to work on your security: 

  • Approach your relationship with openness, confidence and respect 
  • Discuss your emotional and physical intimacy, understand where you are and discuss with your partner 
  • Work towards creating a supportive and forgiving relationship  
  • Don’t be afraid, trust your partner and understand you are in this together

Avoidant 

In a romantic relationship, avoidant individuals may appear distant or emotionally detached. They often avoid deep emotional connections and intimacy. Struggling to express their feelings or offer support to their significant other during times of distress are all common signs when it comes to an avoidant attachment style. This can lead to feelings of neglect or emotional abandonment on either side of the relationship. While they might do well in maintaining boundaries and independence, their hesitance to engage emotionally can undermine the development of deeper relationships.    

If you find yourself struggling to express your feelings or show physical affection, you may identify with an avoidant attachment style. Try out these few tips to help you in your relationship and know that with effort and time, you can potentially change your style of attachment.  

  • Start with communication, open communication is the foundation of a strong relationship 
  • Establish boundaries with your partner  
  • Write down your own emotions and feelings throughout the day 
  • Approach your relationship as a team and work together!  

Anxious 

Are you someone who tends to have a clingy behavior, constantly seeking validation and an overwhelming fear of rejection when it comes to your romantic partner? If so, you may have an anxious attachment style. Individuals with an anxious attachment style often become overly dependent on their significant other for emotional fulfillment, which can lead to cycles of jealousy, insecurity, and emotional unpredictability. You may even feel an intense desire for intimacy but the fear of rejection often overrules those desires, causing you to push your partner away. This can create relational tension and instability.   

Don’t let this get you down if you or your significant other identify with an anxious attachment style. There are so many ways to better yourself and work together in the partnership. Often, an individual with an anxious attachment style will work to meet their partner’s needs, sacrificing their own. Begin with these few tips to get you started in the right direction of developing a healthier attachment style: 

  • Have an open, judgement free conversation with your partner 
  • Create an action plan moving forward  
  • Avoid criticism and blame 
  • Be open to feedback from significant other  
  • Practice mindfulness in your efforts   

Disorganized 

An individual with a disorganized attachment style may show uncertain behavior, sending mixed signals to their significant other. This can create confusion within the dynamic of the relationship. If you are someone who has a disorganized attachment style, you might crave intimacy but fear being vulnerable. The feeling of a push-pull dynamic can become the footing of your relationship which will eventually become strenuous on both partners. Despite a longing for connection, unresolved past traumas may hinder your ability to fully engage in and commit to a relationship. 

Fortunately, it is possible for you or anyone willing, to gain control of their emotions. When it comes to a disorganized attachment style, the hardest part can be learning how to self-regulate in a healthy way. For many, that healthy aspect in self-regulating was not taught in adolescence, causing for unhealthy habits to form into adulthood. Try out some of these tips for getting started on healthy self-regulation:  

  • Employ self-soothing strategies when triggered  
  • Resist suppressing emotions 
  • Create a safe space to express needs 
  • Trusting others to not hurt or abuse you 
  • Trust in yourself to create healthy solutions

Hopefully after reading you feel a better sense of the way you or your significant other may react in the relationship when it comes to attachment styles. Understanding ways to develop a healthier attachment style will not only benefit you on a personal level, but lead you closer to finding a forever love. Getting started may feel overwhelming or challenging but don’t let that discourage you! Learn from others, be reflective and proactive, and don’t hesitate to receive help from mental health professionals or others in your life.  

If you find yourself looking for more information on attachment styles, check out our blog “Understanding the Four Styles of Attachment”. You can also read “10 Things You Should Be Actively Doing For A Better Relationship” for more advice on creating a healthy relationship. Follow our Pinterest page for daily tips on dating, marriage, parenting, and single lives.  

 Thanks again for reading, we’ll see you next time!