The Five Steps To Creating A Good and Solid Dating Compass
Do you have a list of wants and needs in a significant other? Have you had trouble finding someone you connect with and that has similar values? Have you wondered why no one can check off your extensive list of must haves in a spouse? If you’ve had any of these questions, you’re in the right place to find your answers. In this blog, we will discuss ways to help develop your dating compass and discover the importance of being firm yet flexible with your dating “must haves”. We’ll show you how to prepare yourself to find the person you are looking for and develop a deep connection with them.
Empowering, Not Restricting
Creating a list of characteristics and values you are looking for in a companion or future spouse can help make the waters of dating a little less choppy. Instead of blindly searching for a good fit, you have a compass to help guide you. You might think having a list is strict and creates a dating leash for yourself and the people you date. You may believe having a “must-have” list will make you less appealing to others. The purpose of having a list is not to make you less attractive and restrict your dating opportunities. The purpose behind making a list is to empower you when it comes to making dating decisions. Being prepared and knowing what you want can bring you confidence and clarity when making that choice.
Brainstorming
It can seem daunting to know where to begin and what to include on your list if you do not have much experience with dating. It may seem scary to create a list if you do not trust yourself because of past relationship choices that ended poorly. Remember, creating a list is not meant to overwhelm you but to empower you.
When starting the list, you may already have some desired qualities in mind. If that is the case, awesome, start jotting them down. If you are struggling to produce ideas, think of people you admire and think of why you admire them. Hopefully that exercise helps you discover characteristics that you can use to start your list. If you still want more ideas, ask people you trust what they look for in a significant other. This can result in some helpful insight for your list.
An important thing to remember is, although the list is there to help guide, it does not have to be long and complex. It can be short and sweet. It can be lengthy and detailed. It’s all up to you!
Firm, Yet Flexible
Once your list is created you need to determine what are the firm “must haves or must be” and what qualities you are willing to be flexible on.
There are some qualities that may be non-negotiable for you. For example, religious beliefs, whether they desire kids or not, if they want dogs or other non-negotiables. When you know which qualities are non-negotiable, make sure you stay strong with those decisions. In the moment it may not seem important if they do not have one of your "must-haves”, but it could bring unwanted problems in the future. Make sure you think of all the consequences, good and bad, of ignoring a non-negotiable trait and if you are willing to deal with it.
On the other hand, some items on your list can be more like guidelines instead of strict requirements. These can be anything not super important to you, but you would not mind having. For example, brown hair, tall or musically talented. It is important to have those traits that you are willing to be flexible on because you may meet someone that you really like but they might be missing one or two of your flexible traits. Is that going to stop you from pursuing them? It is up to you how important those flexible list items are. It may not end up being the end of the world if you date someone with blonde hair instead of brown.
Update Your list When Needed
It is important once you feel your list is complete to reevaluate and update your list every so often. Over time you will meet new people, discover new hobbies, and grow as a person. With those experiences, your wants and needs might change. Continually update the list so it can accurately help guide you forward on your dating journey.
You Attract What You Are
You may know the phrase; you attract what you are. If you are kind, you will attract kindness. If you are negative, you will attract negativity. It’s important to reflect the qualities you want to attract. If you do not agree with that phrase, then think of it this way: we cannot expect others to do what we are not willing to do ourselves. It is only fair that if you want your future significant other to be kind, thoughtful and attentive, you should try your best to be that as well. Look over your list and see what traits could use some sprucing up. Start becoming more like the person you hope to attract.
Creating a list of desired characteristics in your future significant other can be so beneficial. Knowing what you want can create clarity in your dating world. Your eyes will be opened to what traits are important and not so important to you. It can bring you confidence when making your dating decisions. It gives you an outline of how to attract the people you hope to attract. There is no reason you should have to travel the waters of dating unprepared.
Related Resources
Building Trust in Relationships: A Comprehensive Guide to Lasting Connection