195: Stop That! It's Driving Me Crazy! Misophonia In Marriage

Podcast Guest: Thomas Phelan

Setember 21st, 2026

195 Thomas Phelan

Listen to the Show:

In this Episode

In this episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, clinical psychologist and author Dr. Thomas Phelan joins Dave Schramm and Liz Hale to explore misophonia, a condition where everyday sounds like chewing, breathing, sniffing, or throat clearing can trigger intense emotional reactions. Dr. Phelan explains why these reactions are much more than simple annoyance and how they can create resentment, anxiety, and distance in close relationships. He also shares practical ways couples and families can manage triggers, communicate without blame, and make thoughtful accommodations that allow everyone to feel more comfortable and understood.

“The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.”

Chapters

00:00 – When Ordinary Sounds Feel Unbearable
01:40 – Welcome to Stronger Marriage Connection
04:15 – What Is Misophonia?
06:13 – When Misophonia Begins
07:37 – What a Trigger Feels Like
09:29 – Misophonia and Marriage Conflict
11:29 – When Triggers Create Resentment
13:04 – The Second Emotional Reaction
14:18 – Talking About Misophonia
16:21 – Changing Your Internal Story
18:13 – Helpful Accommodations Versus Avoidance
20:03 – Managing Triggers Before They Happen
23:10 – Understanding Your Partner's Triggers
25:45 – Misophonia and Family Dynamics
27:43 – The ABCD Approach
29:45 – The Five-Second Plan
30:20 – Responding Instead of Reacting
32:09 – Misophonia Resources
34:11 – Make Time for Fun
35:53 – Takeaway of the Day

Insights

Thomas Phelan: Remember the “no fault” idea. Misophonia isn't the fault of the person experiencing the trigger, and the person making the sound usually isn't doing anything intentionally wrong. Moving away from blame and guilt is an important part of learning to manage misophonia together.
Liz Hale: Practice acceptance and be willing to make reasonable adjustments. Something as simple as eating in a different room, changing where you sit, or finding another accommodation can help create more peace without turning the trigger into a personal conflict.
Dave Schramm: Catch the story you're telling yourself when a trigger happens. Instead of feeding thoughts that the other person is rude or inconsiderate, recognize what is happening and focus on your options. Awareness, understanding, compassion, and practical tools can help couples respond rather than react.

About Thomas Phelan:

Dr. Thomas Phelan is a clinical psychologist, author, filmmaker, and educator who has spent decades helping children, adults, and families navigate everyday challenges and build healthier relationships. He is best known as the creator of the internationally recognized parenting program 1-2-3 Magic, which has sold more than 2.5 million copies and has helped families around the world develop practical, effective approaches to parenting.

Drawing on both his professional expertise and his personal experience with misophonia, Dr. Phelan has also become an important voice in helping people understand and manage this often misunderstood condition. His book, Stop That Chewing! Misophonia: When Ordinary Sounds Trigger Extraordinary Distress, offers practical, down-to-earth strategies for individuals and families dealing with intense reactions to everyday sounds such as chewing, breathing, sniffing, and throat clearing.

Dr. Phelan’s approach combines psychological insight with practical tools that people can apply in real life. His work emphasizes understanding misophonia without blame, managing triggers effectively, and helping loved ones communicate and make accommodations with greater compassion.

Outside of his professional work, Dr. Phelan enjoys music, painting, gardening, exercise, and spending time outdoors.