193: How Fear & Anxiety Sabotage Intimacy In Marriage

Podcast Guest: Dr. Sami Chun

Setember 7th, 2026

193 Sami Chun

Listen to the Show:

In this Episode

In this episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, licensed psychologist Dr. Sami Chun joins Dave Schramm and Liz Hale to explore how fear, anxiety, pressure, and misunderstandings can interfere with sexual intimacy and emotional connection. Sami introduces a new way to think about sex through safety, excitement, and connection, while explaining how anxiety, pain, and loneliness can point couples toward needs that deserve attention rather than avoidance. The conversation also explores desire differences, common myths about sexuality, the “gears of intimacy,” and why communicating your own needs can help create a healthier, more connected relationship.

“The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.”

Chapters

00:00 – Understanding Sexual Intimacy
02:05 – Why Definitions Matter
04:47 – Learning to Talk About Sex
06:50 – Safety, Excitement, and Connection
08:39 – How Anxiety Sabotages Intimacy
10:29 – Navigating Different Desire Levels
11:16 – The Five Gears of Intimacy
13:43 – Finding the Right Gear
15:44 – Busting Common Sexual Myths
17:29 – Understanding Different Arousal Patterns
19:51 – Creating Safety in Intimacy
20:24 – Anxiety, Pain, and Loneliness
24:14 – Turning Anxiety Toward Safety
25:18 – Listening to Pain and Boredom
26:12 – Understanding Loneliness and Connection
27:50 – When Should Couples Seek Therapy?
29:50 – Updating Your Relationship Patterns
31:00 – Choosing the Right Therapy
35:08 – Individual Versus Couples Therapy
37:47 – Stop Assuming Your Partner’s Needs
41:24 – Sami’s Practice and Resources
45:30 – Building Stronger Relationships
49:08 – Takeaway of the Day

Insights

Sami Chun: Be responsible for yourself to your partner, rather than trying to take responsibility for your partner. Giving yourself away or relying on assumptions about what your partner needs can weaken connection. Owning your feelings, needs, and desires—and communicating them because you care about your partner—helps strengthen the relationship.
Liz Hale: Remember intimacy through the framework of safety, excitement, and connection. Liz especially appreciated the idea that being responsible for yourself to your partner creates greater safety and gives couples a healthier way to understand intimacy.
Dave Schramm: Healthy relationships require balance. It’s okay to have needs and to express them rather than believing love means sacrificing yourself at all costs. Understanding the balance between safety and anxiety, excitement and pain, and connection and loneliness can help couples show up more authentically for each other.

About Dr. Sami Chun:

Dr. Sami Chun (he/him/his) is a Korean-Austrian-American licensed psychologist in the state of Utah. He works full-time as a professor at a local university with various responsibilities including teaching, research, and therapy. He also works part-time at his private business conducting professional consultation (e.g., training new clinicians) and conducting therapy (individual, couples, and group). While educated and licensed as a general practitioner, Dr. Chun is trained in and passionate about trauma work, OCD, sexual concerns, identity development, diversity, and religious concerns. Furthermore, Dr. Chun specializes in the therapeutic use of tabletop roleplaying games (like D&D). Dr. Chun and his partner are married with four wonderful children. Dr. Chun loves music, dancing, theater, exercise, video games, philosophy, having a good cry, and teasing his partner.