In-laws can be a source of support as well as a source of stress. The more mutual respect and appreciation you have for your in-laws, the more security and stability you and your spouse will have in your marriage. Consider these tips for building strong in-law relationships.

 

• Seek approval. If you aren’t yet married, seek parental approval. If you have their approval, you are more likely to have their long-term support.

 

• Know what to call them. Ask your in-laws what they would like to be called. Some might want you to call them Mom and Dad, but others might prefer that you call them by their first names. Finding this out will help you feel more comfortable with one another. Keep in mind, this may change over time.

 

• Get your own place. Some couples, for one reason or another, decide to start their married lives together by living with one set of parents. This rarely works out, and can be difficult for all parties. Having your own place is a crucial step toward independence.

 

•  Be independent together. You and your spouse should make your own decisions regarding such issues as schooling, finances, children and employment. Asking your parents or in-laws for advice is okay, but make sure you and your spouse make the final decisions together.

 

• Set boundaries. It is a good idea for you and your spouse to set boundaries so that in-laws are clear about your time and privacy limits. This may involve a discussion of how often and how long you visit each other’s families, whether it is okay for them to drop by your home unannounced, or whether weekly family dinners are too much. Politely letting your parents know how you feel will help them know when and how often they’re welcome in your home. Once you and your spouse are in agreement, it’s important that you each present your ideas directly to your own parents.

 

• Share activities. Identify social and recreational activities that both you and your in-laws enjoy. Activities together will help you get to know them better and feel more comfortable with them.

 

• Appreciate them. Be sure to thank your in-laws regularly for the things they do for you, including being the parents of the spouse you love.

 

• Avoid financial puppetry. Remember that financial support from in-laws could have strings attached, and you may end up feeling like they’re using those strings to influence your decisions. Know what strings, if any, are attached to their support, and abide by those expectations, or don’t accept money to begin with.

 

• Focus on their strengths. As with all relationships, it is always best not to focus on the negative. Accept any differences that exist, and look for positive attributes.