• Stop. When signs of anger arise (feeling hot, shaking, tightness in muscles, etc.), stop and take a step back from the situation before saying or doing anything. Consider: What are some of the warning signs that I am getting angry?

 

• Pause. Take a break from the situation to calm down. When we are angry we are often so full of emotions that we cannot think clearly. Taking time to step away from the situation (at least 20 minutes) gives our bodies time to calm down so we can think more rationally about the situation. Consider doing something during this time to help calm down such as going for a walk, listening to calming music, taking deep breaths, etc. Consider: What is something I can do while I’m taking a break that will help me calm down?

 

• Think. Anger is often referred to as a secondary emotion, which means there is another feeling (frustration, hurt, fear, etc.) that comes before anger. By taking time to focus on the root issue, it is more likely that the source of negative emotions can be resolved. Once the root issue is discovered, consider the possible ways to resolve the situation and the potential outcomes that may come from each. Weighing consequences often leads to the best course of action. Consider: What are the underlying feelings and issues in the situation? What are the possible ways of dealing with this issue and potential outcomes of these approaches?

• Act. After deciding on the course of action, act on the situation. This often includes problem solving with those who are part of the situation in order to find a solution that works for everyone. The goal is not to just express anger, but to understand and deal with the source of the anger so that the negative feelings can be resolved. Consider: How will I choose to act so that the situation can be improved or resolved?

 

Remember, anger is a choice. No one can force us to become angry — we have a choice in the way we feel and respond to situations. While we may have developed a tendency to respond in a certain way to certain events or situations, we can change.

 

By following these steps, we take control of our anger. We choose how we will act instead of reacting and letting our emotions control us.